Those Texas Towns!

This is meant to be nothing more than good fun, not mean-spirited.

I drove from Dallas, Texas to Santa Fe, New Mexico for a vacation in 1997, and I naturally had to consult a Texas road map. While plotting my route westward, I couldn't help but notice that a town near Amarillo, in the panhandle of Texas, is called......Panhandle, Texas.

Some people just have all the imagination.

This sparked my curiosity, so I decided to scan a map of the state of Texas and see if there were any other interesting names. As it turns out, I found quite a few. (Hey, it's a big state.) And, being the dedicated scholar that I am, I decided to pass on the findings of my research to you, the taxpaying public.

I am not making any of this up.

Typing them as I find's one called Magic City, and it's just north of Shamrock. (Should we buy our lottery tickets there?)

There's a Sugar Land, Texas. (But I already knew that – I have relatives who once lived there.)

We have a Muleshoe, Texas. Texline (on the Texas / New Mexico border). Cotton Central. Wink. Best. (Yes, there's a Best, Texas.) Seven Sisters. Pumpville. (Pumpville? What, is it full of gas stations? Or...oh, never mind.)

There's actually a town called Telephone. It's on the Oklahoma border, just east of Denison.

And I just found another one called Telegraph!

Here's one called Shafter. Don't wanna move there.

Justiceberg! Ooooooooh.....

There's a Sundown, a Sunset, a Rising Star, and a Star.

We have a Utopia, an Eden, and a Fort Bliss. (Hmm. What happens if two of them play each other in the state football championship?)

Knickerbocker. Junction. (There just had to be a Junction, Texas, didn't there? It's near Telegraph, which makes sense.) Loop. Grow City. Nursery.

Noodle, Texas. My, my.

Batesville. Don't spend the night there!

Oh, here's a good one – Bigfoot, Texas. Are they desparate for tourism, or what?

Tow, Texas. Wow! What a job that would be!

Imperial is just down the Pecos River from Royalty. I guess they're rivals.

Deport, Texas. That would also be a difficult job.

Deja vu: San Saba is about 30 miles from Camp San Saba. Toyah is about 20 miles from Toyahvale.

It's also an international state. In addition to Paris (does France know it's missing?), we have a Tokio, Iraan, Italy, Nazareth, Canadian, Ireland, Boston, Detroit, Dublin, Denver City, Athens, Odessa, London, and San Diego. (All spelling is correct.) To top off the world, so to speak, we have...Polar, Texas.

However, my favorite is a town I've spotted about 75 miles SSW of Amarillo. It's simply called...Earth, Texas. Now, is that classy, or what?

Back to the Humor page

Back to my home page