Healing

Chapter 2

Love

Author's note: This chapter contains a brief, frank, non-erotic conversation about sex. I don't think it's a big deal, but this is your warning in case that matters to you.

"Would you like me to speak with the dignitaries while you rest?" Anna asked after they passed through the gates. Behind them, she saw Kristoff head to the stables with Sven. Olaf stayed with the queen.

"I need to speak with them immediately," Elsa said. "I've been a terrible host and they've been helpful and patient. They are my first priority." She gave Anna a quizzical look. "Why would you make the offer?"

"Because I'm kind?" Anna quipped.

"No, I mean, is there a specific reason I should delay speaking to them?"

"Nothing in particular. But I know you're exhausted, and you're a mess."

"You just described yourself, as well," Elsa said.

"True. But I figured it was better for them to see a princess not at her best rather than a queen not at her best."

Elsa shook her head. "They know we're not going to look our best, and they know why, so that won't be an issue. I shan't insult them by avoiding them."

They reached the castle doors and Elsa turned to the guards. "Thank you for your escort, and for your service. See what help the townspeople need and give aid wherever you can. Dismissed."

The guards saluted and left.

The sisters entered the castle and were immediately greeted by Kai and Gerda. "Highness! Princess!" they said, bowing deeply. "Are you all right?"

"We are well," Elsa said. "Where are the dignitaries?"

"The guard told us you were on your way, so we asked them to assemble in your study, Highness," Gerda said.

"Thank you," Elsa said.

Gerda looked at Olaf strangely. "And he apparently wasn't joking about the snowman, either."

"Hi! I'm Olaf and I love warm hugs!"

Gerda's face was pure amazement. She blinked. "Hi," was all she could say.

"Olaf, go straight to the parlor and wait for us there," Elsa said.

"Why?"

"Because I said so. Don't argue, it's been a stressful day."

"Okay!"

The snowman ran off while Anna and Elsa hurried to the study.

Kai and Gerda continued staring at the space in which Olaf had just been standing, a dazed expression on their faces.

"Kai, have...have I been drinking?"

"Not unless I have, also."

"Have you been drinking?"

"Not today."

"Shall we start?"

"Let's."

They joined arms and turned to go just as Olaf came running back in.

"Where's the parlor?" he asked.

 

Anna and Elsa slowed to a stately walk, took a moment to compose themselves, then entered Elsa's study.

The dignitaries stood, their faces full of concern.

"Your Majesty, are you all right?" they all asked.

"We are well," Elsa replied. "Thank you."

"We were so worried!" said the one from Ireland.

"And Princess Anna!" said the one from France. "We are so happy to see you alive! That lying scoundrel Hans told us he had married you just before you died!"

"Married?!" Anna exclaimed. "Oh, no no no! Wrong on both counts! I'm very much alive, and I definitely never married Hans!"

"Gentlemen," Elsa said before they could say anything further. "I'm sure you have many, many questions. Let me try to answer some of the most pertinent.

"First, as you have clearly seen, I possess the magical powers of winter. I have had these powers since birth, but for most of my life I was unable to control them, and I was therefore a danger to those around me. Since childhood, I have lived sequestered inside this castle to protect others, and my power was a secret for obvious reasons. It was a secret of which not even Anna was aware. On the night of my coronation I lost control and exposed my secret, and I panicked in the most shameful way. I had long been taught that people would hate me if they knew about my power, so I assumed that hatred, and I ran in terror.

"I am so deeply, deeply sorry for the trouble I have caused you."

"Oh, no, no!" they all said, shaking their heads, but Elsa held out her hands to silence them.

"No, I must say it," she said. "You are guests in my kingdom. You are honored guests within my castle, yet I have treated you poorly, subjected you to an unexpected freeze, and destroyed some of your ships. I give you my humblest apologies, and I promise reparation for all the damage I have caused." She bowed.

"Queen Elsa," the dignitary from France said. "I know I speak for all of us when I say that we accept your apology unreservedly. We understand that what happened was an accident, and certainly, none of us hate you or think anything less of you because of your magical powers."

The others quickly voiced their enthusiastic agreement.

"Thank you so very much, gentlemen," Elsa said humbly, truly touched. "I cannot tell you how much that means to me. Thank you."

"So," the dignitary from Ireland asked, "what exactly did happen out there on the fjord?"

"Prince Hans tried to kill me," Elsa said. "Anna was dying because I had accidentally struck her with my magical power. Her heart was frozen, and it could only be thawed by an act of true love. Anna placed herself between Hans and me just as she froze. That sacrifice was the act of true love which saved her, and it was also her love which finally allowed me to control my powers. We have summer again thanks to Anna."

"All hail the Princess!" said the dignitary from Spain.

"Hear, hear!" the others cried in agreement.

Anna blushed.

"And what of the Duke of Weselton?" asked the dignitary from France. "Why was he arrested?"

"His men tried to kill me on the North Mountain, and it was obvious they had been told to do so. Their actions were quite specific."

"My men told me that Prince Hans gave strict instructions that you were not to be harmed!" exclaimed the dignitary from Ireland.

"If that is so, then it is proof that the duke's men were acting under contradictory orders," Elsa said.

"It is true that the duke was convinced you were a monster, but I never thought he would go that far!" said the dignitary from Spain. "What a shame!"

"Gentlemen, I know you have had a rough time over the past three days," Elsa said. "You have been patient, and you have been forgiving, and I cannot thank you enough for that, and I will never forget it. But right now, my sister and I are both exhausted. We need food and rest very badly."

"Of course!" the dignitary from France said, bowing deeply. "We will not keep Your Highness and the princess!"

"Please join me tomorrow in the large dining hall for a special luncheon," Elsa said. "And also, please report to me any and all damage to your ships. I will take full responsibility and care, and Arendelle's finest shipwrights are at your immediate disposal."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," said the dignitary from Spain. "We will be happy to join you for luncheon tomorrow!"

Elsa and Anna both bowed deeply. "Good day," Elsa said.

"Good day, Your Majesty," they all said, bowing in return.

In the hallway outside, when they were out of earshot, Anna and Elsa both exhaled deeply.

"That is one enormous load off my shoulders," Elsa whispered.

"I'll bet!"

Anna took Elsa's hand and held it against her stomach so that her sister could feel it rumble.

"Right," Elsa said.

"Kitchen," they said together.

They went straight there, where, of course, they met Kristoff, who had had the same idea.

 

They ended up around a table together, very informally, in the back of the kitchen: Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, Kai, Gerda, and Olaf, all relaxing after their terrible ordeal. Kai and Gerda had opened a bottle of wine which they offered all around, so it quickly became two bottles, and then three. They devoured most of a roast turkey and a bowl of steamed potatoes and spinach. Olaf didn't eat, of course, but Kristoff more than made up for him.

Just before the meal, Elsa popped out long enough to ask another servant to ensure that three bath fires were started.

The mood was so relaxed, and the camaraderie so enjoyable, that when they were finished, Kai treated himself to one of his cigars which he saved for special occasions.

"That was wonderful," Elsa sighed, sitting back in her seat with her eyes closed.

"What she said," Anna agreed.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day, Highness?" Gerda asked. "I take it you're going to bathe now?"

"Yes. Anna and I both need to wash, then I'm going to sleep for about twelve hours." She yawned.

"I don't need to bathe," Olaf said. "Or sleep."

Anna smiled at him. "Lucky you."

 

Gerda accompanied them as far as the lower corridor.

"Gerda," Elsa said discreetly. "Anna and I need to have a long discussion in private, and sound sometimes carries along stone halls. Please make sure no one comes past this point."

Gerda bowed. "Absolutely, Highness."

Elsa nodded, completely at ease. She had known Gerda her whole life, and trusted her implicitly. She and Anna proceeded down the steps to the bathing room, each carrying a basket of clean clothing and towels.

The bathing room had been added to the castle by their great-grandfather, who had been an engineer and inventor. A trough attached to the secondary bridge, and a series of sluice gates, diverted water from the waterfall above the castle into any of three stone tubs which sat on raised pedestals above fire pits. A well-stoked fire beneath a tub produced a hot bath, and it usually took about an hour to heat an entire tub of water enough to make it worthwhile. Ideally, a bather used one tub to wash and another to relax and rinse off. When a tub needed to be emptied, a sluice drained the water into the fjord. Beside each tub was a good stock of soap made from lye, and several pillows made of eider down stuffed inside thick leather to make them relatively waterproof. Because of the fires, the entire room was made of stone and set slightly apart from the castle.

Neither of the sisters took a hot bath very often. Hauling a huge load of wood to the bathing room, loading it into one of the fire pits, stoking it enough to heat the water, then emptying the ashes later was altogether a monumental task. Neither Elsa nor Anna had the heart to ask the servants to perform such backbreaking work solely for their luxury, unless they felt they really needed it. In the summer, the river water was usually pleasant without heating it, anyway.

But on this occasion, Elsa had asked for the heat because she and Anna both ached from all the running and fighting they had done. The way she figured it, if surviving an assassination attempt and a national disaster didn't merit a hot bath, what did?

Elsa was relieved to see that the fires under all three tubs had been stoked very well, so the heat should last long enough.

She took the tub in the middle and Anna took the tub on the left. Each lowered herself into the warm water and let out a sigh of pure relief.

"Oh, this is sooooo good," Anna said, and started soaping herself. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Anything," Elsa said. "Everything."

Anna grinned. "Liar."

Elsa grinned also. "I've been doing some thinking," she said after a moment. "About us. As sisters, and as rulers. I shut you out of my life, and that was a mistake in every way possible. And it was detrimental to both of us. I didn't just shut you out of my life, I shut myself out of yours, and in a way, I hardly know you. I have no idea what your favorite food is, or your favorite color. I don't know your hobbies or your plans for the future. There are a thousand childhood nights when we should have stayed up past our bedtime, just talking...just you and me...while looking out the window at the Northern Lights. We were robbed of that childhood, and we'll never get it back."

Elsa paused for a moment. Anna neither interrupted her nor rushed her. She could tell Elsa was struggling under the weight of a number of things all tangled together in her mind, so she gave her all the time she needed.

"We missed a special bonding period in our lives, and that weighs heavily on my heart," Elsa said. "It hurts. It hurts as badly as the day we were told Mama and Papa weren't coming back, and for the same reason."

Elsa looked at Anna. "So I'm going to go to the opposite extreme. And maybe that's a mistake, too, but I'm still sailing without an instruction manual. I'm going to tell you everything. And not just because you're my sister and I need your help, but because you're second in command of our kingdom, and you need to be aware of all the things that affect me. If you don't have all the facts, you might not make the right choice the next time we have an emergency. As the ruler of Arendelle, I cannot allow that to happen. So you need to know it all."

"Do these instructions come with a cyanide pill in case I'm ever caught?"

Elsa smiled. "No. But what I have to say is deeply private. Some of it, I've never told anyone."

"Well, then I feel properly privileged."

"Let me tell you about my magical power. I've never given it a name, but earlier you called it the Power of Winter. I like that."

"It was either that or SnowBlow. Or Blizzard. Or IceKicker."

"Let's stick with the Power of Winter."

Anna grinned.

"I don't know what my limits are," Elsa said. "I'm afraid to test them. Can I build an ice city? Can I avalanche an entire mountain range? Can I freeze the Atlantic ocean? Can I create an army of ice soldiers?" She paused, then whispered, "Am I the most powerful person on Earth?"

Anna thought about it. "You know...you just might be."

Elsa swallowed hard. "I don't want to be the most powerful person on Earth."

"I'm just glad you're a good person. Can you imagine someone evil being born with the Power of Winter?"

Elsa shuddered. "Actually, I can," she whispered. "And that's another thing. I was born with the power. Why? Why me? Where did it come from? Does someone else in our family have magic and we just don't know? Mama and Papa said they had never heard of anyone with magic in either of their families. I sometimes wonder, did lightning strike Mama when she was pregnant with me? Is it just random? Is it natural? Do you have magic that you don't know about?

"On top of that, out of all the millions of people around the world, the one person who was born with this power is also the ruler of a nation. What are the odds of that happening? Is that really a coincidence?"

They were silent for a moment. Anna had no answers, and they both knew it.

"And then there's the issue of control, which is more important," Elsa said. "Because of your love for me, I was able to let go of the terror that was paralyzing me. When I did that, I was suddenly able to thaw ice as well as create it, something I've never been able to do before today.

"But I highly doubt my control is absolute. No one has complete control over his or her own body. When we sneeze, when we sleep, when we flinch because something startles us – all these are situations in which we are not in control of ourselves. My power is a part of my body, so when I'm not in control of my body, I'm not in control of the power. It can erupt at any time."

Elsa paused long enough to hold her breath and dip her head under water for a few seconds. Anna took the opportunity to do the same. They each spent a few moments washing their faces.

Anna climbed out of her tub and went to the third tub to rinse off. "Oh, this heat is wonderful, but I may need you to blow some icy air on me when we're finished," she said. "Is cold air part of your repertoire?"

Elsa climbed out of her tub. "I don't see why not."

"What about normal ice and snow?" Anna asked, laying her head back against one of the leather pillows and stretching out her feet. "Can you tell a winter storm to go away?"

"I have no control over normal ice and snow at all." Elsa lowered herself into the opposite end of the rinsing tub. "I can only control whatever I create. Perhaps that's a good thing. I don't want to be in charge of the world's weather. Everyone would blame me for not fixing it."

Anna laughed, then the smile disappeared from her face. "Wow, that's true. People would get angry at you."

Elsa lay back on a pillow and stretched out her legs. She and Anna giggled when their feet met and tried to occupy the same space. Anna moved her legs to one side. They lay still, enjoying the water.

"Also, I don't feel cold," Elsa continued after a moment.

"I should hope not. I think the water's great."

"No, I mean, I never feel cold weather. I'm aware of it, but it doesn't affect me. I like heat just as much as the next person, and I don't have any particular desire to be cold. But even up in the mountains, and in my ice palace, I was comfortable in a simple dress. I don't know how cold I would have to get before it would bother me. I might be completely immune."

"Useful."

"Mmm."

They enjoyed a comfortable silence for a minute or so.

"Anyway, what I was saying about control," Elsa said. "That's the big issue. I'll continue wearing the gloves. They always helped. Even though I now feel in control, there will always be those moments when something might erupt out of me by accident. It only has to happen once. If I ever become extremely frightened or extremely angry, I have no idea what will happen. That's something we'll have to watch out for. I don't want people to walk on eggshells around me, but at the same time, the uncertainty and danger of my power dictates that certain precautions must be taken around me more so than around other people. Some rules will be different for me, and that's just how it is. But the real problems involve sleep and sex. That's when I have no control at all."

Anna's eyebrows shot up into her hair. "When have you had sex?"

Elsa smiled. "I haven't. I'm a virgin. But I masturbate every few days, and when I have an orgasm, the Power of Winter erupts out of me in all directions. It destroys just about everything in the room. The same thing happens whenever I have a nightmare."

Anna furrowed her brow, puzzled. "I haven't noticed work crews constantly being called in to rebuild your bedroom."

"That's because there's no bed in my bedroom. I have a connecting suite which contains nothing but a bed. Starting around the time we were separated, I began destroying my bedroom repeatedly because I had nightmares, and nothing could get them to stop. Papa had no choice but to dedicate one of the rooms to be for sleeping only, and he installed steel plates over the walls and over the window. He did the work himself; he knew he couldn't hire someone else to do it. The bed has a leather cover which I replace about once a year. It keeps the mattress from being shredded."

Anna stared at Elsa. "Seriously?" she whispered.

"Seriously. You can see it if you want, although I don't recommend it. It's a depressing place. Every night I have to sleep in a room with no window, surrounded by steel walls. Every night I have a nightmare. Every morning I wake up to find fresh indentations on the steel panels from the razor sharp icicles which shoot outward from my body. Papa estimated that the icicles hit the wall at about 50 kilometers per hour."

Anna stared at Elsa and swallowed. "Oh, Elsa," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Elsa shrugged. "We did what we had to. It was basically an engineering problem which demanded an engineering solution."

"But to sleep in such a room every night...never knowing what it's like to wake up to a sunbeam..."

Elsa gave a faint smile. "I've become used to it. It's just another way in which my life has to be different." The smile faded. "But it also means that I can never allow myself to sleep outside of that room. A single nightmare would cause major property damage. And I can never allow myself to sleep in the presence of anyone else. One nightmare, and everyone around me would be eviscerated in the blink of an eye."

Anna stared at her, stunned.

"It's the same when I have an orgasm," Elsa said. "When I masturbate, I have to do it on my bed. And just like with my nightmares, if I ever have an orgasm when I'm with someone else, that person would die instantly." Elsa fixed Anna with a sad stare. "I can never take a lover, Anna," she whispered.

Anna moved without even thinking, she was so overcome with emotion. In two seconds she was by her sister's side, holding her. Elsa hugged her back. Time stopped for both of them.

After what could have been seconds, or minutes, or years, Anna loosened her grip and faced Elsa, but she kept her arms around her. "Elsa, I am more determined than ever to find a solution to this problem," Anna whispered, tears in her eyes.

Elsa was touched. "I know you are. And I know I couldn't stop you even if I tried." She stroked Anna's face. "Thank you."

Anna rested her forehead on Elsa's.

"But I want you to be prepared for the possibility that there is no solution," Elsa said.

"I will not prepare myself for that possibility, because that is not an option," Anna said. "But thank you for trying."

Elsa laughed softly.

Anna settled herself next to Elsa, shoulder to shoulder. "Why do you have nightmares?"

"Because I'm so scared. Scared of my power, scared of never being loved, scared of hurting people, scared of being abandoned. I have about four or five repeating nightmares. The worst is the one in which Mama and Papa are taken away. I don't know that I'll ever be rid of that one. The one in which I accidentally kill you is just as bad. That one almost came true. Then there's the one in which I'm being chased through a forest by villagers carrying pitchforks and torches and screaming that I'm a witch." Elsa sighed. "I have some others, but those are the big ones."

Tears streamed down Anna's face, and she kissed Elsa's cheek. "I will love your nightmares away," she whispered, and held her again. "The next time you have a nightmare, you tell it, 'No, you don't get to scare me any more, because Anna's here!'"

Elsa wrapped her arms around Anna. She squeezed her eyes shut and smiled, even though her face was full of pain.

"Well, I'll do my best," Elsa said after a moment, pulling back from Anna. "My life changed today, so maybe my dreams will change, too. Although the nightmare about Mama and Papa will probably never leave, because they really did die." Elsa burst into tears. "And I couldn't go to their funeral because of my damnable power!"

She buried her face in Anna's shoulder, and Anna held her and stroked her head as Elsa's deepest pain finally came gushing out. Elsa wailed and sobbed. "I never got to say good-bye!" she cried. Anna held her tight, never once letting go, feeling Elsa's body wrack with sob after sob. It lasted about ten minutes.

Finally, Elsa was almost cried out. As she sniffled, Anna held her face in her hands.

"You know Mama and Papa loved us just as much as we loved them," Anna said. "They knew exactly how much you loved them. They always knew. They still know. Somewhere, they're smiling on us, and they still know."

"But I just wanted to say good-bye!" Elsa said, tears still streaming down her face. "And I couldn't! This accursed power I was born with would have killed everyone at the funeral!"

"It's okay," Anna said. "I swear, it's okay. Really. I understand, and anyone who doesn't understand can leave our kingdom and never return, because they're not good enough to live here. You don't need a funeral to say good-bye to someone, and you certainly don't need a funeral to tell them you love them."

She held Elsa some more until her crying had mostly run its course.

"Thank you, Anna," Elsa whispered. "In so many ways, you are my rock. I would be lost without you. So lost."

"I'm here for you. Always."

Anna used her feet to retrieve her pillow from the other end of the tub and repositioned it behind her head. She lay next to Elsa, holding her hand, and closed her eyes. Elsa also lay back, leaning her head on Anna's.

"I can never take a trip," Elsa said. "Not unless we design a ship's cabin to have steel-plated walls. Not unless there's an inn with a steel-plated room waiting for me. Not unless we can somehow fix steel plates to the inside of the royal tent."

"That would make it hard to fold."

Elsa smiled. "Yes, it would. Yet, somehow, I need to travel. It's vital after what happened that I tour the kingdom. Within the next week, I need to travel to every town and meet with as many people as possible, in person. I can't be the ice queen who rules from inside a steel-plated room. I can't be forever known as the queen who froze everything. I've got to meet my subjects face to face, with no fear, and listen to everything they have to say, and I've got to do it fast. But I can't return to the castle every night. It's just not feasible. And I don't want my sleeping problem to become public information. So what do I do?"

"You tell your nightmares that your little sister is going to kick their butts! That you now have a guardian angel who will never let them near you again. And you go to sleep every night with a smile on your face because you know that we all love you."

Elsa smiled. "I will do all of that. But I also have to be practical. Remember, something bad only has to happen once."

"What if you just built yourself a new ice house everywhere you went? It would take..." Anna yawned. "...it would take less time to set up than a tent."

Elsa's eyes brightened. "That's right! I'd forgotten! I can build a new place to sleep every night! With walls thick enough to protect everyone, and no one has to know about the danger inside! Perfect!"

Anna smiled, pleased that she had been able to help. She felt herself getting drowsy, and nestled her head on Elsa's shoulder.

"I guess I could even make it an ice palace every time. Or would that be too ostentatious?"

"Ice palaces are good." Anna yawned again. "You can branch out, though. Maybe do an ice chalet...an ice chateau...an ice cottage...an ice treehouse...whatever Your Majesty desires."

"I could make a replica of our castle."

"Mmm hmmm."

Elsa noticed Anna's breathing becoming very slow and regular. She smiled at her sister.

"Are there any other secrets I need to know about?" Anna murmured.

"Oh," Elsa said, blowing out a huge breath as she did. "I've pretty much accepted that I'm a lesbian."

"'kay," Anna said. A moment passed, then she blinked her eyes open. "Wait. What?"

"I'm a lesbian."

"Are you just testing to see if I'm listening?"

Elsa laughed softly. "No. I mean it."

"Wow."

"Yes. Wow. And that means all those gentleman suitors who keep contacting me are wasting their time. It means the chance of finding the perfect person to share my life with is practically non-existent, or at least it feels like it. And it means the line of succession will almost certainly go through you instead of me, even if I ever find a way to take a lover without killing her."

"Hmm," Anna said. "You know, it's just like what you told Kristoff. You're just full of surprises."

Elsa sighed. "I believe that is the understatement of the century. And as much as I would love to lie here with you...well, forever, really...I'm just about to drop, and I know you are, too."

"Neither of us has had hardly any sleep in the last three days," Anna agreed, yawning again.

"We both need to go to bed," Elsa said. "Come on. Up up."

They climbed out, toweled off, and dressed. The fires were dwindling. Elsa could have used her power to douse them completely, but sometimes the servants took advantage of the fact that the fire was already there and stoked it again to have their own hot baths, so she left them alone.

They ascended into the main part of the castle and found Gerda sitting in a chair, reading. Gerda assured them that no one had come along. Elsa thanked her and dismissed her for the night.

The sisters climbed the stairs to their rooms, giggling as they stumbled due to their exhaustion. They reached Elsa's door first, and they paused to look at each other. Each felt the moment; it was the end of an incredibly eventful day, a monumental day in which their entire world had changed several times over. It was the first day of their new lives.

"Green," Anna said.

Elsa looked at her quizzically.

"My favorite color is green. The deep, rich green of a mountain pine. The simple green of a forest. The light green of a grassy meadow. I just really like green."

Elsa grinned. "My favorite color is blue. I love the sky. I love the fact that it's infinite."

They smiled at each other.

"Remember," Anna said. "No nightmares tonight." She kissed her own fingers, then pressed them against Elsa's heart. "My love in your heart will ward off all fears, and lead you to sail through nothing but happy dreams."

Tears falling down her face, Elsa wrapped her arms around Anna in a mighty hug. "Thank you," she whispered. "For everything. For being my sister. For coming after me. For saving my life. For believing in me. For listening to me. For loving me. For understanding. For being my guardian angel. For being the rock on which I stand. And for a million other things I'm sure I'm forgetting."

Anna hugged her tightly. "You're welcome, in a million different ways. I will always be by your side, and my love for you is infinite and eternal, no matter what."

Elsa allowed herself to feel Anna's infinite and eternal love, and in that moment, despite her curse, life was wonderful beyond description.

"Good night, my sweet Elsa," Anna said.

Elsa kissed her on the cheek and entered her room. With a final smile at Anna, she shut the door.

And for the first time in forever, Anna knew that door was no longer a barrier.

To anything.

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